Getting Over by Getting Under, Not Even

Far too often do our friends mirror our own hopes and horrors, especially the pathos of relationships. Either we wistfully yearn for them and the storybook romances, or we wince and secretly thank ourselves for not headbutting our way into that sort of doom and gloom drama.

So at what point do our romances and bad romances just become fairytales?

Two friends of mine, R. and J., sat down with me before the New Year at an outdoor pub to discuss the ins and outs of their receeding relationships. R. had been in a relationship where both he and his partner living together since day one due to circumstantial events. Now, R.'s boyfriend wants long term space, meaning R. is stranded in limbo looking for a place to call home and a new lover. J., on the other hand, entered a very healthy relationship (whom I envied for a bit) that's now verging on the tailend of a break-up due to boredom, of all things.

While both have completely different sets of problems, they share a common theme: their significant others held all the power. R. allowed his lover to be house host instead of keeping independence, whereas J. let his relationship get stagnant. I, myself, was broken up with by a long-term potential who saw the expiration date much sooner than I did. Now that we were all forcibly single again, we had to come to terms that our happy endings were getting an edit.

Yet strangely, all three of us were determined that in order to get over our woes, we needs to get under someone new. Is sex with someone new post-breakup the new remedy to a broken heart?

Consistently I get advised that the best way to get over someone is always extended distraction. Eventually enough distance gets between you and the former to get friendly with the new guy/gal. Many people call this a rebound...I call it a refresher in what I've been missing. Why waste time on making sure your ex knows your wrath for having given up on you?

Being scarily angry all the time isn't good for the complexion, nor the social disposition.

J. and R. agree.

As traditional relationships go, one hears about the post-breakup limbo-- where showers aren't taken, beds become home, and mourning becomes a daily occurance until something magically happens and suddenly you're able to live again. As a 20something who enjoys his social life (and bathing), I'd rather keep myself "out there" and stay current.

It's such a shock to the ego when you are gone from the dating world for any extended period of time. New people arrive on the scene, as well as new rules and restaurants to be seen/heard at. You also start the damage control: everyone knew you were in a relationship, what happened?

So it's a rather lovely blessing to bump into someone accidentally that you know you'll be able to bump into behind closed doors. Isn't that what dating is all about?